Children of Pandora's Box

Luka had done what any person trying to avoid an awkward situation would do and laid her head down on a table and pretended to sleep. Fuck this. She was not going to have Ella and Anya make her lose her temper. This trip was already going to be bullshit enough. Someone is clearly regretting bringing Anya along.

Ella and Kostya started bickering in German, which really only helped hide the conversation from Sam. I think. I can't keep track of which languages they do or don't know. Anyways, Sam was focusing on driving instead of the drama. She absolutely loved what was going on in the RV, but she didn't love whatever the hell they were screaming for.

Ene and Anya, on the other hand, where devising a plan to fuck with her parents as much as possible.

Luka was listening and still pretending to sleep. Because when in doubt, hide from your problems. This was significantly more difficult in a small RV with five other people, but she could manage, right?*


* Wrong, Luka. Wrong.

Ella looked at her friend as Kostya spoke to her, and shook her head. She interrupted Kostya mid-sentence, something she learned to do from having to interrupt Meelo all the time. "Luka, that is the worst fake sleeping I have ever seen." Sam laughed from her seat, now set on a relaxing cruise control.

"I'm trying to sleep but you won't shut up." Luka grumbled, opening one eye to shoot a death glare towards her friend.

"We're in an RV, what do you expect?" Sam asked, not taking her eyes off the road, thank the lord. Having kids had settled her mad driving. "If we don't talk, I will fall asleep. If I fall asleep, we die."

"Nah, we just crash." Luka highly doubted they'd die. It couldn't be that easy. Right? They'd survived stupider shit than crashing an RV. "But I guess you have a point..." Because regardless of whether or not an RV crash would kill them, they'd then have to walk to the fucking airport. And that would be a fate worse than death.

"I do have a point, yes." Sam agreed, looking back at Luka to show her bitch face. "I don't want to walk across the fucking country to get to stupid airport to get to a different airport to get to our final destination. Before driving across that country and the rest of Afro-Eurasia." She didn't love this trip.
"Africa, Europe and Asia are two different places, Sam." Kostya growled, pushing his glasses up with this middle finger, looking directly at the redheaded woman.
Sam put her eyes back on the road, but used one hand to insult Kostya. "Same landmass, same continent. Their are only five continents. Shut up Kostya."
Kostya looked ready to commit murder. They'd have this argument before. Which is why Anya burst out of the back room and started yelling in different languages but Alex is too lazy to translate. "Nyet! Nyet! Nyet! Nyet! Stop! Last time you fought about this, half our goat heard went missing and Sam thought Dylan had run away from home! Agree to disagree. Now."
Kostya looked at his daughter for a spilt second, then at Sam. "How can you think that there is only four continents? Seven! Africa, Europe, Asia, North America and South America are all different! Stop spreading lies to the children!"

"Wait you think there's only four continents?" Luka thought this was hilarious holy shit. "Tell me, Sam. How did you get out of high school again?" Four continents. Four. Luka, stop teasing Sam before the rest of Kostya's goats go missing. Please. The poor man would die without them.

"By bending to the will of standardized tests while still understanding that it is government propaganda. North America is not a fucking continent. It's literally called North America. So obviously, there needs to be an America. The US wants everyone to think that we're this big ass continent that controls Canada and the rest of the countries in the North. Hell, we go by America so uneducated people think that we're a supercountry. Fools!" Her fist slammed on the horn, waking up the car in front of her and making it go faster. Also, the goat thing was years ago. They've been replenished.

Luka blinked. "O...kaaay...?" I think you might've broke Luka, Sam. I really think you have. "Except...you know. We're called North America because...uh...it's in the North. There's a South America too. It's a continent too. Like...there's literally seven continents Sam. No one's being brainwashed." It's really bad when you're more paranoid than Luka, Sam.

"Freemasonry bullshit!" Sam screamed back at the older woman, her eyes flickering to Anya. "Four landmasses, four continents. End. Of. Discussion. Go look at a fucking map." She grumbled to herself, "Continent is defined as any of the world's main continuous expanses of land. CONTINUOUS EXPANSES OF LAND. Landmasses. Go read a dictionary."

Luka was clearly trying her damned hardest to keep a straight face. "...and if they're separated by rivers and shit?" Pause. "What the fuck do freemasons have to do with this?" All good questions, Luka. But seriously please stop pestering Sam before she crashes and all of you have to walk to the airport.

"JAPAN'S NOT EVEN CONNECTED AND IT'S APART OF ASIA!" Sam shrieked, and Ella quickly moved to put her hands on the wheel when Sam through her's up in the air. She ignored the Free Masons comment. She had split too much already.

"THEN HOW ARE UNBROKEN LAND MASSES CONSIDERED CONTINENTS, DUMBASS?!" Sam's logic - or lack thereof - was starting to confuse Luka. "Are continents connected land masses or not?! Make up your mind at least geography knows what the fuck its trying to say!" I can't believe these two are travelling down the highway having this argument. Why has this never come up before?

"NORTH AND SOUTH AMERICA ARE STILL CONNECTED. EUROPE IS CONNECTED TO ASIA, WHICH IS CONNECTED TO AFRICA. DON'T DUMBASS ME, DUMBASS." Sam put her hands back on the wheel and shook her head, "It's called a fucking bridge."

"She thinks that they'll be three continents if the bridge to Russia ever happens again." Ella put in, because why not?

"Wrong. Panama Canal." Luka pointed out, rolling her eyes. "And how does a man made bridge make it a single landmass? That doesn't count." She couldn't really argue Asia and Europe, but she's figure something out. "North and South America are split by the Panama Canal. And the Gulf of Mexico."

"The canal has a bridge. Therefore, connected. Therefore, single landmass."

"Man-made bridges do not count as part of a landmass that's completely against the point of it being land. A fucking bridge is not land." Luka tried to stress, almost ready to just give up and let Sam fail geography. "Also, the Suez Canal separates Africa, Europe, and Asia. Read a history book once."

I don't think I can continue Sam's bullshit, tbh.

There is no need to continue it, Sam's bullshit logic is perfect as is. Moving on?

After a long RV ride, and a plane trip that Sam would refuse to remember for the rest of her lifetime, the group was finally splitting up. "We're taking two cars." Ella demanded, glaring at Kostya.
"Some cars can hold seven." Kostya pointed out, shaking his head, "You'll get lost."
Sam snorted, "In case you don't remember, Ella is German. Get your ass in your own fucking car."

"Being German has nothing to do with getting lost." Luka pointed out, about as excited with this arrangement as Kostya was. She was about to continue snarking, but one of her bags started lurching across the ground on it's own. Damn wizard bags. Obviously Luka was not cool with this. Instead of screaming, though, she punted the bag. Because hell no. This resulted in a startled cat-screech from the bag in question, and Luka was looking highly suspicious of this.

Ella looked completely innocent which is why it was suspicious. Sam was super done with arguing with Luka, "Being German means not only was she born here, but she's been here more than any of us. So no, I don't think she'll get lost in her own fucking country." Sam wasn't even in a pissy ass mood. She was just trying to get the families each all in one car.

"Do you still get lost in America?" Despite the continuation of the argument, Luka wasn't really interested in it anymore. Because her backpack was moving and- "Ella, did you smuggle your cat into my bag? Have I been carrying the incarnation of Satan this entire time?" Luka shot a suspicious look towards her best friend, because that wasn't even cool. And it was shady as fuck.